IN THE BEGINNING God created the heavens and the earth and made himself Maximum Leader of both, and called Himself "Obama."
When Obama began creating the heavens and the earth, America was a shapeless, chaotic mess, with the evil Spirit of Bush brooding over the darkness.
Then Obama said: "Let there be light." And Solyndra appeared. And Obama was pleased with it, and divided Americans into Greens and Skeptics. He made the Greens "winners," and the Skeptics "losers." Together with the Greens, Obama forged the first day of fundamental change.
And on the second day, Obama rested.
Then Obama said: "Let the dark vapors of America separate to form "rich" and "poor." And let the poor be above and the rich below. And let there be class warfare between the two. This all happened on the third day.
And on the fourth day, Obama rested.
Then Obama said: "Let the safety net beneath the poor be expanded by $-Trillions so that unprecedented deficits will emerge." And so it was. And Obama named the $-Trillions "stimulus," and the safety net "student loans" and "food stamps" and "unemployment compensation" and "American Opportunity Tax Credit" and "Race to the Top" and "Pell
Grants" and "The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act." And Obama was pleased. And he said, "Let the stimulus burst forth and produce every variety of lobbyist bearing seed money for My re-election, and let this seed money produce handsome fund raisers in my image like George Clooney." And Obama called the fund raisers "bundlers." And so it was, and Obama was pleased. This all happened the morning of the fifth day.
That afternoon Obama rested again.
Then Obama said: "Let the too-big-to-fail bankers rise from the slime of the earth and join the poor in the heavens." He ordered the US Treasury to rain money upon them. Obama said: "Let them now make loans to small businesses and write mortgages to individuals in need." But the loathsome bankers tossed meaty bonuses to themselves and told Obama to pound sand. Obama was not pleased. So He smote the bankers, seized General Motors, fired its CEO and gave the car company to Richard Trumka who built the Chevy Volt, the most expensive Fire Hazard in the short history of creation.
And Mrs. Obama rested.
Then Obama gazed upon 20-million illegal aliens and called them "undocumented immigrants." And so these migrants could vote for Him, He called voter ID laws "racism." And so these new constituents could be fruitful and multiply, He performed the miracle of the loaves and fishes and created a cap on their health insurance costs but no cap on their medical benefits. He called this miracle "ObamaCare" after himself. And then He created money out of nothing and called it "debt," and piled this debt in mountains up to the sky. And then Obama created patsies to pay off that debt and called these patsies "children."
And Mrs. Obama was pleased, so she rested again.
But He was not yet finished. Obama said: "Let there be a Surge in Afghanistan!" And the Taliban quaked in fear. Then He created radar and worked under it to nullify the 2nd Amendment, sending thousands of machine guns to Mexico. This pleased Obama...until Solyndra went bankrupt and "Fast and Furious" made the New York Times. Obama was unhappy.
So he rested again.
Then Obama said: "Let the earth bring forth every kind of animal." And Navy Seals appeared. And Obama used them to smote Bin Laden dead in a gutsy move. And Obama was pleased again and, feeling his oats, He promised Putin better things to come. He basked in the warmth of the Arab Spring and created the Buffett Rule. And Obama was pleased with what he had done.
So Obama rested again.
And finally Obama said: "Let there be men and women made in the image and likeness of their Maker." He called the first man "Trayvon" and the first woman "Julia." And then He said: "Let there be hope and change in My new world, and an end to white racism." And he called this new way of thinking and acting "fairness."
And to celebrate this new world of fairness, Obama rested again.
But the new men and women He had created in his image quickly grew restless. They Occupied Wall Street, set fire to businesses and broke bank windows.
So Obama gathered his thoughts as he rested once more.
Then, at the eleventh hour on the seventh day, in order to occupy the Occupiers and to help himself get re-elected, Obama fiddled with Labor Department statistics and created...JOBS!
[Apologies to the Author of The Book and to those who took the photos that I found in Google Images.]
